May 6, 2012

Life with baby.

This is about to be a gush of emotion. Skip down to pictures if you don't care about my hormonal, love struck, motherly feelings. Or if you are a boy (besides my dad).

I want to say the last year of my life has been crazy (Scott came home from war, my best friend moved to another continent, my mom went to Heaven, I had a baby...). But then I realize that the year before that was pretty chaotic, too (I moved to California, we started our lives together, Scott deployed...) But really, the one before that was also nuts (Scott graduated boot camp, we got engaged and then married a couple weeks later...). On top of the milestones I mentioned, so much has happened. I've grown. As a wife, as a mom, as a daughter, spiritually, emotionally, and unfortunately physically. Is this what it's like to be an adult? Life just picks up the pace and rushes past you? Each passing year seems busier than the last? You feel completely out of control, and yet so joyful all the same time?

I have a baby. A perfect beautiful baby. If I didn't believe in God before, I do now. I can barely fathom that she was made inside of me. That perfect little girl was created within my body. And now she is outside of my body. Asleep in the next room. Rocking peacefully in her swing. It is difficult for me to even know where to begin to describe her. Everything about her is a miracle. Looking into her eyes is like nothing I have ever experienced before. She is so innocent. Her eyes are so big. When she stares up at me I feel this connection. I feel like she is looking deeply inside of me. And I feel the same looking at her. It's a bond, a love, that I have not ever experienced. Not with Scott, not with Bruce, not anybody. I have always been pretty carefree and laid back. I have always known that I can have fun and that I don't need to worry about stuff. Kind of a "it'll all work out" type of attitude. Not with her. I want her in my arms. I want her to know her every need will be met. Her cry literally makes my insides hurt. I want her to be insanely happy. Never lonely. Never bored. And never, ever sad. How am I supposed to accomplish this? She has to go to school one day, right? No. I won't let her. We'll homeschool. What about college? I can't homeschool her through college. I can barely get through college myself. Online school? Ok. That settles that.

Ok, so that's not what I really want. I mean, I don't ever want her to leave me. Or to be hurt. But I do want her to experience friendships. I want her to have BFFs like I do. I want her to experience love. I want her to grow up and get married and live happily ever after. With me right next door.

How do I even think about having another baby? I can't live right next door to more than one child (unless I can convince them to live on either side of me). How could I possibly love another baby like I love this one. She is perfect. Is it possible to have two perfect babies? Does that happen? This baby laughs, she rolls over, she reaches up and grabs my hand and squeezes so very tight. At night she cries just loud enough for me to hear her to know she needs to eat. Not overly loud, not a scream, just a little whine for her mama. And then I pick her up and pull her under the covers with me and I hold her all night. It's the sweetest thing. And in the mornings when the sun comes through the curtains and shines on her face she starts to wake up. She gets really squirmy. And then I un-swaddle her. Without opening her eyes, her arms immediately shoot up and she arches her back really big, all the while scrunching up her little face. Such a big stretch for a tiny baby. And then she slowly begins to blink her eyes open. I am right there, with a smile on my face waiting for her to focus enough to see me. As soon as her vision is clear she smiles a big gummy grin at me. It is one of my favorite parts of the day. We sit there for a half hour or so and smile at each other. She tells me all about her dreams in a sequence of little coos and ahhs. I tell her how pretty she is and how much I love her. I would not trade it for anything.

She is the greatest thing that has even happened. Nothing else seems to matter. Our floor is covered in cat hair. There are BBQ sauce dishes in the sink. The laundry never seems to be done. But, right now, I don't care. I care that my baby is sound asleep. I care that she is having sweet dreams. I care that I will be there tonight when she is ready to be held. I care that I will get to see her beautiful eyes and her heart warming smile in the morning. That's what matters. The rest will get taken care of with time. But not tonight. And probably not tomorrow.

Now that I got that off my chest... here are some pictures from the last months. For those of you who skipped over that long mushy part to get to the pictures you didn't miss much. It was just me doing my best (but not even coming close) to putting into words the deep love that I feel for my baby. But, here's the good stuff.

We carved pumpkins and handed out candy for Halloween, my dad came to visit, I got pregnanter, we planted a garden. The pictures from October and some of November are here
The Gilchrist Garden.

We went to the Marine Corps Ball. The pics from that are in the link above. We did Thanksgiving dinner with friends and then Black Friday that night! 
Thanksgiving Dinner. 

December was Christmas, duh. I got super pregnant and my dad came to visit. 
Baby's Christmas tree.
Big Christmas tree.
And the normal sized Christmas tree is behind where I'm standing. Too bad you can't see around me. 
Scott's ginger bread women. 
My dad came to visit!
Scott turned into my dad.
And my dad turned into Scott. 
My dad also turned 25, or so. 

January 15th baby was born! I plan on doing an entire post about those couple of days. 

Sweet girl went on her first trips to Texas and Oklahoma. And Aunt Amber and Uncle Bobby came to visit but I need to find those pictures. 
Plan ride to TX. 
She got to meet her Pappy G for the first time. 
And several other important people. 

First Leo meeting. 

Lo and Kara came to visit for Spring Break! 
Aunty Lola playing mommy.

Easter! And Scott's 24th birthday! And a camping trip
Easter egg fun.
Hiking the trails. 

Eventful few months. But what would you expect? Who doesn't wanna see this babe? Hopefully my posts become more regular. I'm also going to try and find the time to upload the rest of the pictures from all these months to my Facebook. Here's the thing, typing takes two hands if you want to do it in a reasonable amount of time. I don't generally have two free hands these days, or a reasonable amount of time.  And when I do, I try and spend it on schoolwork. I'll do my best. 

Love to you all! 

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